Life Changing Reading

I have finished book one of 100. "Confessions of an Economic Hitman" by John Perkins is one of a few books that I've read in my lifetime that I can honestly say is provocative and life-changing. Perkins spent several years as an "Economic Hitman" - one of those people who works for American firms in foreign countries helping the foreign country secure large loans for economic development projects - roads, schools, power plants and the like. The spoils of these loans go to companies just like the one that Perkins worked for and to a select few citizens of the foreign country. It's disgusting. Amazon's readers give it about 3.5 stars and I would give it a 4 or 4.5 of five. It is thought provoking and a little guilt-creating for me as someone who really truly wants to make the world better but doesn't know where to start. Criticisms from Amazon reviewers include allegations of a political bent that perhaps I am too obtuse to detect and that it is vague. I feel that if more details of creating optimistic, likely false economic forecasts to secure World Bank financing were revealed, there would be incredible fallout internationally for the author and the United States as well as several large global corporations and government organizations. It needed to be vague. However, it does tell stories and illustrate some of the arrogance that affects the international image of the United States and its people. I highly recommend that my six loyal blog readers give this one a try.

If, like me, you already aspire to make the world a better place, this will further fuel the fire. If you don't, perhaps it will light the spark. While not on par with William Lederer's "The Ugly American", I highly recommend this book. In fact, reading both in some order will definitely change your life. I guarantee it. "The Ugly American" was suggested to me by my Uncle when I was about 12. I took his advice and checked a well-worn copy out of the library. I've not been the same since.

If you read either one, please let me know what you think.

And That's Why We Call Him the Senator...

He's just amazing, this kid. I know, right? Your kids are amazing too but my kid...

The Senator is described a lot of ways. A co-worker of the Sarge described him as "this little man. You expect him to be wearing a little bow tie. He talks like a small adult." We hear this a lot because it's true.

He has always done this. From our first day out with him when he walked up to Sascha, the guard at the house we stayed at; stuck his hand out swiftly and introduced himself to today. Today we've got new neighbors. This is army housing. We always have new neighbors. He wanted to go over and introduce himself and he did. I, his introverted mother, have no idea who they are but he knows their names and that they have a fifth-grade daughter.

Do you read Post Secret? I do. The premise of Post Secret is that people send in postcards with their secrets on and they get posted to the web every Sunday. Sometimes there are cards that really hit home. Today there's one of a little boy. It says "We just adopted this little boy from Russia. He has changed my life more than he'll ever know". I agree.

Our little Senator has gone from this:


To This:


(This picture, by the way, was taken the same day that he confidently introduced himself to the guard in Buryatia)

And finally this:


The neighborhood welcoming committee.

Senator, you are awesome and I love you so much. Thank you for being such a great person that I am inspired to try and be a better person too.

Labyrinthine... or the Day the Blog went in circles

Sometimes blog posts roll around in my brain ('cause there's lots of room) for days, weeks, months before they make it to the blog. Other times they never make it at all. Since I started this thing - when did I start this thing? Oh, February 8th. It seems longer. I digress.

Since I started this thing, I've posted some funny stuff and some not so funny stuff. I think I should resurrect SOB of the Week. I miss that. Anyway, I sometimes write just kind of stream of consciousness and this, kids... this would be one of those times.

I haven't got much of a mind, really. I'm still sort of confused and startled by the whole "being an academic type" thing. Most days, its a definite "square-peg, round-hole" sort of feeling. I believe that that is mostly because I am not so far removed from the real world of business that I can not care whether my students get something useful. And, frankly, I've never been much for research and theory. Get my hands dirty! Show me how stuff really works and let me try it. Kick me out of the safe confines of University with skills that an employer wants. Show me what I am capable of. Thanks. That's what I'm shooting for but most days, I feel like I'm screwing the proverbial pooch. But "Ask and you shall receive" right? I have asked the students to tell me how to reach them and they are telling me. An honest question gives an honest answer! Who knew?

I know my teaching will get better. But I also know that the pay will always suck. Despite what you read about overpaid teachers, I can tell you first-hand that it ain't true. My degree is worth twice as much outside of academia - easily. So I battle with myself. Myself is a real bitch because we fight about it every day.

What is worth more? Doing work that you like a lot and expect to love eventually while you can or finding a nice, lucrative business analyst, project manager or other position that might open doors to the kind of life you thought you were working for? In my current position, I will never be promoted, per se. I'm not even in a budgeted position so if cost cuts come at the expense of jobs, mine's the first to go. Why? I'm the only non-budgeted position in my department. I will go first. And our lovely state is loath to give higher education funding increases. Then they wonder why college graduates leave. THAT is simple. You don't value us so fuck you. Why stay in Wisconin with a degree that's worth $10K more across the border? And don't give me that cost of living shit because it's just not that different. And especially when you figure with a master's degree, my salary coming back here is $10K LESS per year than my first real job after college graduation and Thirty Thousand Dollars less than my last full-time position. Dammit... digression again.

From where I sit, this is how it looks. We'll most likely be doing a "short-sale" on our house in the very near future. Fabulous right? That means we'll avoid foreclosure on our credit rating, but the short-sale may do almost as much damage. And, because we've got a VA guarantee, if we ever try to buy a house again; we will probably have to make good on the VA's loss. So much for no down payment, huh? Either way, the next time we buy a house (looks like never ever again at this point) we'll need a large chunk of cash. We never seem to have a large chunk of cash. We almost did once, but then we did an adoption or two which was amazing and wonderful and I don't regret one bit. The problem was after that, the world went to shit. First one money pit house that we lost $20K on the sale of. Then, Michigan, the job from hell, pars planitis and the year from hell with Paul in Kuwait. Our reward for these tribulations? Cutting our monthly income in half, losing at least $30K on the sale of our house in Michigan and a feeling of complete and utter despair.

Why despair you say? We're healthy, mostly happy (at least we are working very hard on that) and the kids are great. Because. Because I work at a University that pays me so well I can't afford to pay my daughter's tuition to go there. And, no. Children of staff don't get free tuition. I hear that kids of Tenured Faculty do but I'm not tenured and never will be. I'll be on a one year contract for as long as I'm there. Even if I found myself in a budgeted position, I'm looking at a two year renewal max.

And because. Because of the dream/hope/wish that will not die. I wish I could let go. I wish there was a gene in my DNA that would let me give up because it is hopeless. But there is not and I have no idea what to do. I can;'t stop thinking about them (and lots of other kids that need parents). Please remember that the Sharps are crazy and even eight may not be enough. I want to help as many kids as I can that would not have a normal life otherwise. Kids with minor medical issues that are easily corrected but would not be if they stayed where they were. If you sent me a picture of any kids with strabismus in particular right now, I'd be a bigger mess than I already am.

But we're probably $45K away from another adoption. Unlike most couples that adopt, we've got no home equity to tap and no realistic hopes for any other type of credit. Thanks West Michigan Real Estate market! Thanks 5/3! THANK YOU WISCONSIN! Because of Sarge's schedule, a second job isn't really viable. I'd pay everything I made out in daycare. So I don't know what to do. I'm open to suggestions. Got any?

What exactly am I wishing for? Well, a break mostly. It has been so long since anything feels like it went our way. I'm craving stability. I'm craving security. I want to know that I am loved. I want to not worry about taking care of my family. I want to help Bratticus with her college bills. And I want to be Indira and Nargiza's mom. And, possibly, some other kids' mom too. I guess that's asking too much but it doesn't seem fair.

I'd ask for advice on fundraising or career planning or saving my sanity, but that seems like a lot to dump on my six loyal readers (or one bloglines subscriber - thanks Tal!). So I'm just going to say thanks. Thanks for reading. I know lots of times this blog really sucks.

Saturday Link Love

Are you a foodie like me? Do you just need some new ideas in the kitchen? Visit allrecipes.com. They're loaded with them.

Speaking of eating... Going out? Want to make sure you can get a table? Check out OpenTable.com. This site lets you make reservations online for restaurants in many major cities across the USA. I will definitely use this when I travel because, well, I live in Tomah and Culvers doesn't require reservations. Yes, dear readers, my options are limited.

I also found another great time waster site. You know, like MySpace or Facebook, but this one is a little more grown up. There are articles and all kinds of other things in addition to profiles and blogs for the reading. But you, people, need to keep reading this blog in addition to checking out Gather.com.

Happy Mother's Day!

What Else Can I Say?

Saturday Tech Tips!

Since I'd like to think I waste a lot more time online than you am pretty tech savvy sometimes I thought I'd turn my loyal readers on to some cool stuff on the web.

1. Evites. I read about this on another blog and a quick Google Search took me here. You can sign up for a free online account, import your contacts from e-mail (Yahoo was very simple but Hotmail has issues). It's free and it is very easy to use. Pick a theme for your party, pick an invitation style, fill in the details, save and send to your contacts. They RSVP electronically (I hope!) and you're on your way to a great party. I may use them for everything from now on. I plan on following up the formal invites for the Queen's party with e-vites to make the RSVP easier since, so far - no RSVP's. Yes, that drives me nuts.

2. Bloglines. Crikey! I read a lot of blogs. They're a major source of entertainment for me. Bloglines is free and lets you subscribe to the feeds of all your favorites and share them with the world(see my Bloglines in the sidebar? Feel free to waste spend a couple of hours finding out why I'm a blog junkie. It is easy to subscribe (providing your favorite blog has a feed - like me) and so convenient. Instead of checking 30 sites for blog updates, you check one. Updated blogs are in bold so you know right away.

3. Feeds. Yes kids, if you have a blog and I read it, here's where I ask you to, if possible, set it up for an RSS feed. Now, if you use Blogger like me, it's easy enough that even I can do it. That's saying something. Here's how: In the "Settings" tab there's a sub menu called "Site Feed". Click on that hyperlink and in the drop box for "Allow Blog Feed" select "Short" or "Full". "Short" feeds up to 255 characters into a reader like Bloglines with the option to click the headline and go to your full blog. "Full" lets lazy busy people like me read the whole thing from Bloglines and click on to the next bold line when I'm finished. It makes me happy.

I hope happiness finds you today as well.

Three Things...

As you know, I dilligently read too many blogs and I found this one here.

Three Things That Scare Me:

1. The idea that I will never again be successful.
2. Cancer. There is such a huge history of it in my family.
3. The eye thing. Things are good right now (but don't ask me how many pairs of reading glasses I own, okay? I can't leave home without them), but you just never know. I appreciate what I have and I hope it lasts a long time.

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
1. The Khan when he's in a good mood.
2. The Senator
3. Sarge

Three Things I Love:
1. Roses
2. Tulips, Daffodils, Hyacinth and the other bulb flowers that tell me it is spring when they finally show up!
3. Throwing a GREAT dinner party.

Three Things I Hate:
1. The real estate market. (No one, and I do mean NO ONE, has looked at our house in seven weeks).
2. The fact that people donate millions of dollars to politicians rather than to organizations that really WILL make a difference. What would the Red Cross do with that $26Million, Hillary? A lot more good than you ever will. And imagine if Barack Obama and Mitt Romney's money had gone to the American Cancer Society instead?
3. Politicians in general.

Three Things I Don’t Understand:
1. Calculus
2. Narrow-mindedness
3. Quantum physics

Three Things On My Desk:
1. My cell phone
2. Cup full of pens and pencils
3. Laptop - duh!

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:
1. Typing this blog.
2. Finishing a lukewarm cup of coffee.
3. Working up the first real entry in Keyboard Therapy.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. Have a really great, rewarding career.
2. Visit Italy.
3. Bring home a sister for the boys.

Three Things I Can Do:
1. Semi-cool excel stuff.
2. Knit
3. Sew - it doesn't say "Things I can do well!"

Three Things I Can’t Do:
1. Algorithms.
2. Understand bigotry.
3. Wait to find a job!

Three Things (or people) I Think You Should Listen To:
1. Jon Stewart.
2. Stephen Colbert.
3. Stadium Arcadium

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
1. Conservative, evangelical Christians.
2. The voices in your head that say "No, you can't!"
3. Ann Coulter.

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:
1. What it is I'm supposed to be doing with my life!
2. How to do it.
3. How to give into the moment and just have fun once in a while.

Three Favorite Foods:
1. Fresh seafood.
2. Steak.
3. Chunky Jif Peanut Butter.

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
1. Little House on the Prairie.
2. Diff'rent Strokes.
3. M*A*S*H.

Three Things I Regret:
1. Putting off college as long as I did.
2. Listening to all of the voices calling me stupid, ugly, fat, (fill in the blank) because now it's hard to shut them out.
3. Any and every time I have hurt someone's feelings.

By 30

I found this as I was cleaning out and organizing my documents today. It struck me as a worthy blog topic as I approach yet another birthday. I'm well past 30 but NOWHERE NEAR 40 so I thought I'd compare myself to this standard and see how I've done.

BY 30, YOU SHOULD HAVE:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you've come.

Well, I can say that I did go back to an old friend and we've been married nearly 13 years. And we all know that I have a source to look back on and say "WTF was I thinking?"

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

I pass this one too. Most of my furniture fits this bill. At 30, I had a few things that I'd bought new. It's a nice feeling.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

Sadly, No. And I don't think I ever have!

4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you're not ashamed to be seen carrying.

Again, sadly, no. My purse ATM is one I've had for at least five years. It's okay but rather... matronly? Kind of a backpack thing. And I've never had the luxury of anything but super cheap luggage.

5. A youth you're content to move beyond.

Does glad its over count?

6. A past juicy enough that you're looking to forward to retelling it in your old age.

I don't know that it's "juicy" but I've got some good memories.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.

This is something very unsettling to me at the moment. I have no nest egg - for anything.

8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.

I have all but the bank account. I do see the value of all three, though.

9. A résume that is not even the slightest bit padded.

I'm thinking of dumbing mine down.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

Here's an area where I'm blessed. I have several that are multipurpose (and no, that doesn't include Jose!)

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.

Again, 2 of 3 isn't bad, right? Need to work on that black lace thing.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

Does upgrading my wedding set count? I don't think it does.

13. The belief that you deserve it.

But I don't!

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30.

Uh...I will plead the fifth except to say I'm trying!

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

Uh...I've got a pretty great hubby and kids?

BY 30, YOU SHOULD KNOW:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

I agree. I don't think I've done that.

2. How you feel about having kids.

Well, THAT should be obvious.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

Well, no matter how hard I try, I haven't mastered this one.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

Whoa! I just had a deja vu moment. Freaky. Sometimes I think I try too hard and don't walk away fast enough. Need to listen more to the "Run like hell!" voices.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn't like to happen next.

*WINK* This is the best part of married life, IMO.

6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.

I got this covered! Condoleeza Rice, Bura, Beulah (or Emily?), Jessie and Mae, and my mother ;)

7. How to live alone, even if you don't like to.

Like my kids would let me!

8. How to take control of your own birthday.

Ugh! I should know this. My birthday sucks ass every single year. This year might be better. We're going to see Kenny Chesney on the 10th! But OTOH, we're still beyond broke and no one's interested in our house.

9. That you can't change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.

Ah, but I would if I could! Wouldn't you?

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over.

And for that I am truly thankful.

11. What you would and wouldn't do for money or love.

And let me say, I'd do a lot more for love than money.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.

Okay, I think this one is just dumb.

13. Who you can trust, who you can't and why you shouldn't take it personally.

You know, sometimes this takes me off guard. I still get bitten occasionally.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn't your fault.

Why DO we do that?

15. Why they say life begins at 30.

Well, I know that 30 was better than 20. I must confess, however, that I hope 40 beats the shit out of 30.

Strange little set of theories no? I'm still not sure whether I feel better or worse after this little self-assessment. How do you feel?