Monday, September 24, 2007

Reflections on the worst weekend of my life...

You know how normally people want the weekend to go on forever? I'm not feeling that at all this week. I'm so fucking happy that it is Monday after the weekend I had.

It started innocently enough. Saturday was Sarge's day off and we'd made plans to go visit friends on Saturday night. The weather - beautiful! We puttered and cleaned and it was a great morning.

The first thing that happened was my MIL calling around 1:30. "What time should I be there for dinner?" Um... what? I have no recollection of inviting her to dinner. Neither does Sarge.

"5:00 is fine."

So we have grilled chicken and a lovely dinner but have to shoo her off to attend to our previous engagement.

Then, this happened.

Then, this happened. The Redskins, evidently, are not aware of the fact that when I can actually watch them play, I expect them to win. It was such a gut-wrenching loss. I am still wrenched!

Then, this happened. Words do not express how it feels to watch this video. John Force is not just my favorite race car driver ever, he's someone I really respect as a business person and, while not as famous as some athletes, a celebrity. He's a true class act and I admire him very much. And, now we know he's got a good prognosis for recovery. Yesterday all I could see was the crash video and the helicopter video and wonder whether he'd make it. His race team lost Eric Medlen back in March so for them to experience another serious crash this season seems really unfair. And John's the boss - the leader of the team and the father / father-in-law for two of the drivers. It's devastating.

Still reeling from that, I get a call from Squidward. Squidward has proudly stepped up to reclaim his title, let me tell you. He's announced he's getting married. Next month.

SW: "I probably should tell you I'm getting married next month."
Me: "Uhm... Squid, I don't think the law allows that yet - and you barely know this guy!"
SW: "No, mom. I'm marrying a woman."
Me: "WTF?"

And Squidward goes on to explain the circumstances - to be able to live off post, etc. - and his rationale. "It's not a big deal. It doesn't mean anything. Look how well being married has worked out for you guys!"

Me: "We've been married almost 13 years. I think it's working out just fine."
SW: "But what about the first time? That didn't go so hot for either of you."
Me: "We all make mistakes. People change. Be careful about marrying a girl, Squid. She probably only wants you to make babies so she can live off of you the rest of her life."
SW: "Yeah, about that..." He's claiming he was 16, she was 24 and now he's got a four year old that he termed his rights to at 18. Given his history of whoppers, I am seeking verification before I buy in fully. It's a long story, but holy mother-fucking hell. That is either the biggest lie ever or well... you know what else.

After this my head explodes. And he has definitely re-claimed the "Worst Fuck-Up by a Sharp Child Ever" title.

And I'd like the rest of the week off to mourn the death of my will to live.

Peace out.

5 comments:

janiece said...

Ok ok back up now. Remember I've only known you for 5 years now. Who exactly is Squidward? Background please??? And if there isn't love and understanding, living off base ain't going to help. You still have to deal with each other--ask Ted, hehad to put up with my cranky ass all weekend plus! Oh yeah--I can breath again!

Lisa said...

JP,
Squidward is son #1. He is openly gay (came out over the summer) and that's why the marrying a woman thing is so damn bizarre - that and it appears to be strictly a business arrangement.

I can't talk about it anymore. It hurts my head.

Barbara said...

Remind me never to leave your blog unread for more than a week again. Holy hand grenades, lady!

You never did explain what happened with HRH, though I got a very concise description from Rich - which consisted of an Everly Brothers song title. Ah, well - this can happen.

I had to ask PD who Squidward was, too. Though I remember you telling me a little about him when I was in Michigan, I didn't remember hearing that particular moniker. So... he's going to marry a woman (that he's known how long?) for pretty much purely financial reasons? If they're really clear on that up front it MIGHT be okay . . . for a while. But he should put together a very clear pre-nup. ~shakes head~

Poor Lisa. I wish I could offer you a vacation in Hawaii. You sound like you really need one.

Tal said...

I'd call you if I had your phone #. I'll have to settle for a BIG hug.

Wow...so is the kidlet hers (the future DIL - OH GOD -), or another girls? I'm assuming this was all before he came out? Not that it's any of my business, but now I'm curious.

But I'm back to hugging.

Ian said...

Christ on a stick, the weekend you've had... I really don't even know what to say, other than... good luck? Hope it turns out better than it sounds.